Moving from New England to Georgia, I didn't have any trouble adapting to the climate change. It's not so drastic as to be disorienting. The hottest days of summer go by and generally we are in air conditioning. Mood temperature changes however, can be harder to navigate; as if with a faulty climate control unit. Venturing out into the realities of life can sting like temperature shock.
Lately it's been interesting to note that accepting temperature changes works out better than trying to avoid them. The key is finding ways to adapt. Sleep, nutrition, and exercise irregularities for example, become a crucial issue in mood adapting. Then, if we get stuck dwelling on how far from stable our self-care has become, the longer we stay self-defeated.
The mood seasons' impact on our behavioral health can pass less severely by resisting the urge to label each challenge as a failure; starting anew as much as possible. When we begin again from whatever moment we are in, instead of measuring every setback first, we save precious energy toward wellness.
Friday, March 16, 2018
Friday, March 2, 2018
Questions and Answers: Equally Useful
In seeking to define ourselves we will more than likely be left with more questions than answers. Are the questions useful in themselves, even when they have no answers?
This depends entirely on what we do with those questions. Speaking from experience, investing years of my time and focus in frustration that I couldn't figure out why my journey happened the way it did; distracted me from a more healthy relationship with my past, and fully experiencing the now.
Did that mean taking inventory had been a complete waste of time? A harsh judgment of efforts that may not end in the result we were hoping for, is unnecessary and counterproductive. Where would civilization be if noone valued research that didn't bring conclusive evidence? The research must be done, and noted, for further reference. Research can push us forward, and give us direction.
Accepting that we will not always understand ourselves, is a big part of growth. We don't need to miss out on our potential for success, stuck in analyzing the choices that didn't work out. The usefulness of analyzing our past has a short shelf life. But finding inspiration for the days and weeks ahead, never goes out of date.
This depends entirely on what we do with those questions. Speaking from experience, investing years of my time and focus in frustration that I couldn't figure out why my journey happened the way it did; distracted me from a more healthy relationship with my past, and fully experiencing the now.
Did that mean taking inventory had been a complete waste of time? A harsh judgment of efforts that may not end in the result we were hoping for, is unnecessary and counterproductive. Where would civilization be if noone valued research that didn't bring conclusive evidence? The research must be done, and noted, for further reference. Research can push us forward, and give us direction.
Accepting that we will not always understand ourselves, is a big part of growth. We don't need to miss out on our potential for success, stuck in analyzing the choices that didn't work out. The usefulness of analyzing our past has a short shelf life. But finding inspiration for the days and weeks ahead, never goes out of date.
Thursday, March 1, 2018
When Santa Comes To Town
One delusional motivation tactic usually implanted in us from earliest memory is "you better watch out! Santa is coming to town." Thankfully I was spared that delusion, a mercy that could have been more consistently part of my childhood. There are better motivators that inspire initiative in kids, much better than "you better watch out 'cause Santa sees you, if you've been naughty."
That false sense of living up to expectations from a fictitious figure does little to teach genuine responsibility and collaborative success. If the only motivators a child knows are mounds of gifts under a tree or over a rainbow, how can we expect them to have self-starter skills later on? Fairy tales are only as useful as lessons they teach. Setting our kids up for rewards that are abstractly dependent on others cannot prepare them for real life.
As adults we may falter in parenting ourselves; it may feel foreign to cultivate confidence in our own initiatives. Just as we wouldn't expect a drained car battery to stay wired to another car after a jump start, we can't teach kids to expect to stay dependent on everyone else for their desire to engage. That will damage their need for self-actualization and self-esteem. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs theorizes that we must grow from deficiency needs (motivated when they go unmet) to growth needs, a desire to grow toward healthy independence and recognize one's own potential.
We may be carrying a burden of shame and inadequacy that is solely based on other's expectations of who we should be; because of never learning how to figure that out on our own. In my 40's I am just starting to figure out what to expect of myself, instead of wasting energy imagining what other people expect and then constantly worrying if I'm able to live up to it. What a cramped and muddled view of our own potential!
It's never too late to parent ourselves. Success may be delayed, but ultimately does not depend on a balanced childhood, or only taking right paths. Wrong turns can still be useful in finding the full potential in ourselves, through our very own eyes.
That false sense of living up to expectations from a fictitious figure does little to teach genuine responsibility and collaborative success. If the only motivators a child knows are mounds of gifts under a tree or over a rainbow, how can we expect them to have self-starter skills later on? Fairy tales are only as useful as lessons they teach. Setting our kids up for rewards that are abstractly dependent on others cannot prepare them for real life.
As adults we may falter in parenting ourselves; it may feel foreign to cultivate confidence in our own initiatives. Just as we wouldn't expect a drained car battery to stay wired to another car after a jump start, we can't teach kids to expect to stay dependent on everyone else for their desire to engage. That will damage their need for self-actualization and self-esteem. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs theorizes that we must grow from deficiency needs (motivated when they go unmet) to growth needs, a desire to grow toward healthy independence and recognize one's own potential.
We may be carrying a burden of shame and inadequacy that is solely based on other's expectations of who we should be; because of never learning how to figure that out on our own. In my 40's I am just starting to figure out what to expect of myself, instead of wasting energy imagining what other people expect and then constantly worrying if I'm able to live up to it. What a cramped and muddled view of our own potential!
It's never too late to parent ourselves. Success may be delayed, but ultimately does not depend on a balanced childhood, or only taking right paths. Wrong turns can still be useful in finding the full potential in ourselves, through our very own eyes.
 |
| © S. Patterson 2017 |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)