People in our life will never be who we imagine they should be. It's so easy to replay conversations over and over with a special feature: the director's commentary. Why didn't they listen better? Why didn't they give me the comfort-support-acceptance-unconditional validation I need? In other words, Why can't you be what I want you to be?
It's much easier to expect unconditional acceptance then to give it. One of the keys to wellness is accepting others as they are. Others may not see a need to grow healthier dyanamics, respect, tolerance. So we need to stop expecting it, waiting to see if each new encounter gives us a new and improved version.
Once we drop those hopes for someone to change into who we want, it opens up a lot of space for appreciating and noticing new possibilities. We can ask for things we need from others. But if we don't get those things, what do we do next?
There are only two choices. Decide if we can grow enough to handle the relationship the way it is, and how. When we can be our own true friend, and give ourselves the validation, respect, support, and acceptance necessary for wellness; we will be able to stop depending on others for those things. The best scenario is when we share responsibility for healthy dynamics equally with another person. In families it may never happen, or maybe they'll surprise you and finally want to try.
No comments:
Post a Comment