Backsteps?

     Days or weeks of disinterest and numbing grayness will come 'round again. They feel like missteps, and backsteps. They feel like failure and cracks in our character. Why do we forget over and over, how putting up with the burdens of depressive cycles is, in itself, a victory? Why do we automatically view a temporary pause as going backwards?

     Breakthrough depression while consistently in a treatment plan can feel overwhelmingly disappointing. Old fears of a looming downward spiral can feel like a blinding storm, with no way to see what lies beyond the wind and rain. Will it be a tornado? A flood? A hurricane? The storm threatens to destroy our will to engage in life; to follow through on what interests us, our curiosity...actively participating in the structure of tomorrow.

     Fearing the worst in coping with mental illness is normal. Whatever spectrum it has taken to find treatment, whatever the severest and most acute episodes have been; it is only natural to fear that they will return. We fear the worst when symptoms return, even moderately, for a time.

     While fearing the worst, it's only fair to give ourselves equal time to consider our best days; our recoveries and many victories. When illness calls for its unwelcome visit, opt to invite hope and compassion instead. (See my poem Opting)

Discomfort and Change

     Progress in mood stabilizing, while encouraging and even celebratory; can also feel uncomfortable. Regulating sleep for perhaps the first time in years, opens up our life to functioning at a substantially increased pace. This opens up space for increased activity.

     Discomfort can arise with increased daily or weekly goals. Beginning new routines, prioritizing, and following through can feel as if our activity "muscles" have become tight and need stretching. This process is natural, to feel unnatural and even foreign in our own skin.

     We may try to follow through on too many projects at once; or feel stuck when contemplating them. It's healthy to choose a few activities daily, and a few goals weekly; making sure to give ourselves credit and affirmation for each goal reached. These are key steps to transitioning into a new routine.